I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
