I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
