I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
