last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
