he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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