I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
