i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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