4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
