Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
