I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
