Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
