We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
