you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
