Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
