uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
