Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
