it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
