we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
