Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
