it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
