Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
