her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Congratulations! We have a period
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
