how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
