You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
