NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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