I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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