dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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