scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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