is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize