wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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