dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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