I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize