I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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