I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
