Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
