I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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