Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
