were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
