well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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