Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
