Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
