i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
