Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
