I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
