This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
