Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
