We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
