It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
