How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize