do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
