I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
