Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize