is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
