whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
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look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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