I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
