is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
