I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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