she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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