I want to stick my p in your. b.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
