i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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