Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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