I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
