Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
