His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
