so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
