I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
