Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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