Screwed.edu
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
