I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
