Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
