That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize