Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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