Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
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He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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