it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
