my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
