i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
